God, Please Help Me...

MY HEART IS BROKEN.

I hate being an Addict.

... I love my friends and T.Sue, but no matter how much (LOVE) some give me....I end up relapsing! Usually when things aren't bad at all. All I can say is I NEED HELP...from " GOD"!

*****

This Notation (Edited) Added 04-19-007

.
My friends love me and I LOVE them..BUT...'......"ACTIVE"' addiction will destroy any chance of being HAPPY! It has me .....and those closest to me.
"It's " VERY FUCKED" When you SEE yourself SOMEHOW----finally---as an Addict; it ain't "CUTE"

******
!Like I said to a Friend..."Wish me luck? (and put ME in yer Prayers? I NEED IT!
I'm so SAD and TERRIFIED!

Gunna try something "Different".


04-19-07

The Sun....

You are The Sun

Happiness, Content, Joy.

The meanings for the Sun are fairly simple and consistent.

Young, healthy, new, fresh. The brain is working, things that were muddled come clear, everything falls into place, and everything seems to go your way.

The Sun is ruled by the Sun, of course. This is the light that comes after the long dark night, Apollo to the Moon's Diana. A positive card, it promises you your day in the sun. Glory, gain, triumph, pleasure, truth, success. As the moon symbolized inspiration from the unconscious, from dreams, this card symbolizes discoveries made fully consciousness and wide awake. You have an understanding and enjoyment of science and math, beautifully constructed music, carefully reasoned philosophy. It is a card of intellect, clarity of mind, and feelings of youthful energy.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

"ShortBus", the Movie

Highly recommended! You'll laugh til you come!

ABOUT THE FILM
John Cameron Mitchell’s SHORTBUS explores the lives of several emotionally challenged characters as they navigate the comic and tragic intersections between love and sex in and around a modern-day underground salon. A sex therapist who has never had an orgasm, a dominatrix who is unable to connect, a gay couple who are deciding whether to open up their relationship, and the people who weave in and out of their lives, all converge on a weekly gathering called Shortbus: a mad nexus of art, music, politics and polysexual carnality. Set in a post-9/11, Bush-exhausted New York City, SHORTBUS tells its story with sexual frankness, suggesting new ways to reconcile questions of the mind, pleasures of the flesh and imperatives of the heart.

"Put Down the Candy Bar, and Step Away from the Little Boy..."

Art......

Whadda Ya Think???

Blue Man.....

Like I said before, "A picture
is (easily) worth a 1000 words".
I can name this picture in ONE word: "WOW"!

Ryan Gosling is "The Beleiver!.

I HIGHLY recommend:

The Believer



Inspired by a true story, The Believer recounts the life of Danny Balint from fervent religious student to rising star in a Neo-Fascist political movement that subverts almost everything he was brought up to believe. In a fascinating series of twists and turns, Danny exhibits all the passion of the converted as he browses militia-movement Web sites, utters hate-filled but articulate discourses on Judaism and its teachings, and promotes the violent attack upon and ultimate destruction of his most hated enemies.
When his own suppressed identity seems likely to be revealed, he flees to a upstate training enclave, further galvanizing his desire to act out the vicious and heinous vilification subscribed to by him and his compatriots. But as events ensue and striking contradictions multiply, something in Danny's soul prompts a complex and incredible resolution. With a uniquely intelligent and perceptive vision, Bean steers us on a course which is both enlightening and enthralling, one which avoids easy psychological explanations and creates an unforgettable film experience.

Jason Statham, Actor:The "Driver" in TRANSPORTER 2

They say, "A picture is worth 1000 Words". I think this pic sez everthing it needs to say in one word: "SEXY"!

What "Casino Royale" Shudda Been........

I was completely disappointed in Casino Royale! Thought it was so terrible I turned it off 1/2 of the way into it, which is something I rarely do. And where did they find THAT James Bond? Awful and Unbelieveable. If you wanna treat yerself to EVERYTHING that Casino shudda been, rent TRANSPORTER 2; this is one of the FEW times a Sequel is rockin. One last thing: FASTEN YER SEATBELT!

IF you love movies that have BAD-ASS Woman in them (kinda Le Femme Nikita -types) yer gunna LOVE this Chick!

She is why I am Gay! LOL

Movie Trailer: http://transporter2movie.com/#

My Latest Obsession ......

No! My LATEST Obsession is NOT a man, (altho I did meet someone recently who I LIKE very much -- and hope he feels the same way ) it's the Group: She Wants Revenge/ Here is another link to their song" "These Things". Maybe it's JUST me, but i think they fukin' ROCK! Listen ... and see what you think......http://youtube.com/watch?v=B4IT0GDeplA

Is THAT A Banana in Yer Pants?

What I'm about to tell you just COMPLETELY confirms my perspective on Most Gay men, and I find it SAD and extremely pathetic; it's MORE common than not! Trust Me, I'm Gay! I know!

So, I'm off to Starbucks (as usual) 3 days ago when I have another BRIGHT idea; I put a rolled up washcloth in my pants before heading out! Why? Curiosity about Men! First off, there is NADA wrong with my cock size - You'll have to Trust me on that; I am NOT posting a pic! I just wanted to see the reaction of some folks, Gay Men, that frequent SB's between the hours that I go there, that usually give me "no mind", as they say. So, I'm off to TEST these folks! Guess what happens? Come one! Guess! Yea! Yer Right! In the 2 hours I was there, 2 Fags , that never pay attention to me MUCH (it's my HARD look, I think; I scare them - Pussies) went for the bait ( no pun intended). Not only was this one guy groping him self at me so I'd be clear that he was interested in suckin my fat dick, but the 2nd one? Well, he actually came up to me, offering to "SUCK IT" in the Starbucks bathroom! Needless to say, I let the sick, OBJECTIFYING fag go hungry. It's so SAD and PATHETIC how often this happens in the Gay community. It's just like being just a lil' over-weight, then losing the lil' belly and ALL of a sudden the same fags that turned and mock you wanna fuck you silly! No Thankx!

My Motto Remains: "IF I don't KNOW you and LIKE you, I ain't fuckin YOU"...with my dick or a banana!

Hey! Don't judge; I was bored!

DON'T Fuck (with) Pussy!

THIS IS WHY IT IS NOT A GOOD IDEA TO FUCK PUSSY!!

The 3 Rules for Crystal Meth Use

This a a funny BUT sad true story.......
I was telling a buddy last nite this........
About 10 years ago, I took another Tweaker home ( the ONLY one I ever took to any place I lived, for good reason---read on....) to PNP (Party and Play) with. After "playing" a while, I realized we were outta "gatorade" (every tweakers favorite cocktail), so I got in the car, went down the mountain, got some liquids, walk in my house, only to see the "tweaker" on his hands and knees ( screw driver in hand) taking apart my 3 day old , nearly 8000$ plasma TV a friend just bought me. Well, I didn't KILL him, altho I wanted to. I had my roommate take him back into SF; IF I would have I probably would have thrown him over the Golden Gate. Afterwards, I came up with the following rules for my crystal Meth use........

Rule #1: NO over head-lighting; I LOOK BAD!

Rule #2: If I say you are talking to much (most tweakers never get to the FUCKIN cuz they are WAY to busy yabbin'), You probably are,so SHUT UP and Fuck!

Rule #3: (This is the kicker ! ) Don't Touch anything electronic, especially if it is MINE!

Like I said, FUNNY but SAD. As long as I remain "clean", I don't ever have to in place these rules. PROBLEM SOLVED!

Saving My Life!

You know, somedays I HATE having to take ALL the damned medicines I have to take! But, considering that 5500 Africans die everyday of AIDS with NO access to the Meds I have , I'm SO GRATEFUL....grateful for even a CHANCE to live and live a free Life- one that I choose. I wish there was more that I could do to help the folks around the world who have no ACCESS. I do whatever I can, and that makes me PART OF A SOLUTION, * NOT PART OF THE PROBLEM! I'm so grateful that I am WHO I AM; a Man with a loving, caring, compassionate heart!

God Bless. I 'know' I AM!

Humility.......

This is what HUMILITY looks like to me

Click on pics to enlarge anywhere within my Blog!

Tattooing: A Work in Progress

Yea, so it's becoming another* addiction! Oh, F**kin' Well. Better a needle 'jabbin' my arm than being stuck 'in' my arm - if ya know what I mean! Not the greatest pic; I was being impatient (what's new? - Ha!)...but ya get t the idea. This all started off with one little one. Doesn't ANY addiction start off with ONE "LITTLE" anything? "LITTLE" anything is never a part of my vocab! NO Smart cracks, guyz!!!

Another Bright Idea (Shut Up!) :Don't Try THIS at Home

Altho I LOVE my tattoos, I wouldn't recommend getting one anywhere near, on or around yer wrist! I kinda sounded like Linda Blair last nite in the Exorcist! But, instead of repeating "Fuck Me, Jesus!', like poor lil' Linda did, I kept saying ( as the Artist was cutting into my skin), "Yer a Mother Fucker and I will NEVER cut my wrist - NEVER!"

Talk about friggin' PAIN! Jeeeeezus H Christ! Next time I have this bright idea, I'll be saying, "Pass the Dalluidid!" Hey, PAIN IS OPTIONAL! He, the Artist, just laughin' & gigglin' said, " You asked for it!"
And I did "ASK FOR IT"!
OUCH!

Note: My Tattoo guy ( "BUD" ) is here in LA. If you are NEED of some work, leave me a "Comment" to that effect and I WILL hook you up with him. BTW, he is also a GREAT guy!

"Tear You Apart' by She Wants Revenge

Was having ( YET ) another tattoo added to my body last nite when my Artist shoved this CD in the player: The Group? SHE WANTS REVENGE. The song:" I want to fuckin' "Tear you Apart". It Rocks! Very much in the Genre of Sisters of Mercy, The Cure, Bauhaus...only fresh, new , modern. The lead singer ( haven't learned his name yet) has an incredibly SEXY voice, I think. All he'd have to do is sing and I'd ______!!!!
Enjoy:http://youtube.com/watch?v=ukLMPfQSGa4&mode=related&search=
Video Clip features beginning footage from the film, "SIN CITY"! (Gotta love Mickey Rourke; he's such a twisted fuck! )

SEX. SEX. RAW PURE WILD "PASSIONATE" SEX. SEXY. SEXY!!!!!!

"Passion"!!! Remember When??? I can barely remember; I think, most people "DO IT" and never took GREAT SEX 101...... MAYBE I'll run into someone someday that would be willing to explore this again! PASSION THAT IS!!

Male Models Should Be SEEN and NOT Heard !!

Live in LA for 6 years like me (where all the fags THINK they are a Model; Model of WHAT is really the queston) and YOU WILL AGREE!

"Shut the **** Up and JUST look pretty!"

Stalkin' at Starbucks: What a MIstake in Judgement

So....here I am one day last week sippin' my cup of "speed" at Starfuckers and "GOD" walks in, stares me down, big smile, lotsa 'bedroom' (come fuck me) eye contact, then walks out the door. I sit and wonder (with my big mouth) WHY I didn't get my fine lil' ass up and go talk to him. So, my solution? STALK HIM via hangin at SB's a lot. So I did. Asked each employee if he came in often, whether or not they knew his name, even offered one employee who knew WHO I was yabbin' about $50 bucks if he wud ring me on my cell should "GOD" (resembling a VERY SEXY Dave Navarro-Esque .. but shaved head, same EYE-LASHES) came in while I wasn't there. 5 mins. later, he walks in. Same sit n stare game that he was playin the day b4, blah, blah,blah. I said to myself, "FUCK THE FAGGOT GAME PLAYIN' and got up went outside, told him I thought he was Ssssssmokin HOT (beware of pretty people on the outside; sometimes that's ALL they have), talked with him and played with his 2 wonderful dogs (JUST cuz' a cute dude has dogs ALSO does NOT mean anything....keep reading), he told me to call him asap, gave me his number, shook my hand (FIRMLY) and leaned into me giving me a kiss that almost made me wet myself. Okay! Okay! So 5 mins. later I was pickin' out china patterns and drapes in my head! F**k YOU! You wudda , too! Trust me!

Okay. So now to get to the good shit......

We meet for B'fast yesterday at Eat Well on Sunset Blvd. The entire conversation is about him, his Benz ( I can see what car you drive Fucker; it's a CAR not ** a Benz), his 2 dogs (which was the ONLY part of the conversation that wasn't about WHO HE THINKS HE IS), etc, etc. Didn't ONCE in nearly an hour and a half ask me one thing about me. Can you say "Self-friggin'-Absorbed! How typical faggot LA. It's funny how he went from GOD status to "I wouldn't fuck you with yer dogs dick" in less than 10 mins. The remaining hour was a fuckin BORING chore! If there are two things ( there are MANY others LOL) I cannot stand it's Pretentious and TYPICAL people, which I find most Gay men to be. This is why I am single. It's presently BY CHOICE!

Here's the "kicker": I get up with him , walk down Sunset to his car, he sez" Talk to you later", and I said"NO, actually you won't" and continued to walk. This actually isn't so much about me being single and wantin' to love on someone again b4 I friggin' die, it's about the obvious: He is single cuz he is an ASSHOLE! I think that about covers it. Don't you!?

Well, at least I put myself out there. One last word regarding this encounter or any other future encounter like it: NEXT!!!!!