The 3 Rules for Crystal Meth Use

This a a funny BUT sad true story.......
I was telling a buddy last nite this........
About 10 years ago, I took another Tweaker home ( the ONLY one I ever took to any place I lived, for good reason---read on....) to PNP (Party and Play) with. After "playing" a while, I realized we were outta "gatorade" (every tweakers favorite cocktail), so I got in the car, went down the mountain, got some liquids, walk in my house, only to see the "tweaker" on his hands and knees ( screw driver in hand) taking apart my 3 day old , nearly 8000$ plasma TV a friend just bought me. Well, I didn't KILL him, altho I wanted to. I had my roommate take him back into SF; IF I would have I probably would have thrown him over the Golden Gate. Afterwards, I came up with the following rules for my crystal Meth use........

Rule #1: NO over head-lighting; I LOOK BAD!

Rule #2: If I say you are talking to much (most tweakers never get to the FUCKIN cuz they are WAY to busy yabbin'), You probably are,so SHUT UP and Fuck!

Rule #3: (This is the kicker ! ) Don't Touch anything electronic, especially if it is MINE!

Like I said, FUNNY but SAD. As long as I remain "clean", I don't ever have to in place these rules. PROBLEM SOLVED!

Tattooing: A Work in Progress

Yea, so it's becoming another* addiction! Oh, F**kin' Well. Better a needle 'jabbin' my arm than being stuck 'in' my arm - if ya know what I mean! Not the greatest pic; I was being impatient (what's new? - Ha!)...but ya get t the idea. This all started off with one little one. Doesn't ANY addiction start off with ONE "LITTLE" anything? "LITTLE" anything is never a part of my vocab! NO Smart cracks, guyz!!!

The Puppy Within....

A buddy of mine and I were discussing my disappoinment in people and he emailed me back this:

For you in particular, I think you can might practice seeing other humans and yourself with the lenses with which you perceive dogs. The only misbehaving, mean or "bad" dogs are ones that have been mistreated, mistrained or abused, and you have the capacity to see that--have you ever been truly angry at a dog, even a pain-in-the-ass one?
If only humans could overcome their damage as amazingly as dogs can. But we act out our pain till kingdom come. So when you see that, remember the puppy within-everybody.

I emailed him back this morning telling him, "The only problem with this is that I LOVE dogs and don't usually care for most people."
Even with that said, I understand that most people are NOT spiritually developed; Yet I find it (some people's FUCKED UP behaviour) REALLY SAD and rather tragic.

WHO I AM........

Who I Am I am not my hair, my eyes, my nose or my mouth.

I am not my skin or the shape of any of my body parts.

I am not the IQ of my brain.I am not the sound of my voice or the volume of my laughter.

I am not my strengths or any of my weaknesses.

I am not the level of my skills.

The temple of my physical makeup is a culmination of genetics.It reveals nothing about the person who resides within.I take no credit or point no blame for the way I look.My temple is perfect, as is.

This body is not who I am.It is an exquisitely perfect dwelling for my soul

.Everything about it is exactly as it should be.No other, anywhere, ever, could serve my soul as well.

I am not anything you can see with your eyes or touch with your hands. Should you judge me by that criteria, you will never know me.I am not a dumping ground for bias that's based on a man-made standard, and I do not accept the prejudice it creates.

I am a union of body, mind and spirit, a trio, not a solo.To know me, is to know yourself.

Those who hear the still small voice in their soul, recognize the song in mine. They do not stop at the front door and judge me by the dwelling in which I reside.

With a humble sense of honor, they knock upon the door and ask to come in.

The judgment of others does not change who I am.Quite the opposite is true. It reveals who they are.

Those who deem me unworthy at a glance and pass me on by,have my blessing to keep walking, for they have a long way to go. They have not reached the point in their journey where they are able to see and appreciate me for who I am.

I expect no more. I will accept no less.

An Email to a Dear Ol' Friend - And I Cry

Before I wrote the below email, I go
ogled my friends name and called the number; her husband told me she had a stroke that left her nearly completely unable to talk 4 years previous. After trying my best to talk to and understand her, I asked her to give the phone back to her hubby so I could communicate better thru emails with her. When we let time pass between friends SHIT HAPPENS- and sometimes it's really shitty.

Dear Norm and My Sweet Deborah

I know, I know. Outta no where, I call. It's kinda hard to explain; as I've been getting older ( not wiser) I've been thinking over my Life and wanting to connect/ re-connect with those people who made a huge difference in my life. Deborah? YOU ARE one of those people! Maybe our relationship back twenty-some years ago wasn't that long lived (barely 3 years), but YOU ARE one of the dearest kindest people I ever met in my life. I remember trying to write a paper and you referred it as "Purple Prose"! LOL Still quite haven't figured out what that means! hahahahaha. Or, at Xmas one year, me giving you the book, "A lazy man's guide to enlightenment"; all the dinners I had you, Eric and Jayne over for. I MISS those days! Me, my buddies and a great meal made with love for my friends! What a gift. It was NEVER my intention to fall into being an ADDICT, destroying everything and everyone in my path. I've always been a GOOD man, yet my addiction clouded that fact in an EXTREME way. So I disappeared from every one's life, hoping one day to get a grip on my addiction so I could resurface and join my friends and the living again. I HAD NO IDEA it would be this many years later- if AT ALL! It's been a long, lonely and difficult road, let's just put it that way. It's been nothing glamorous, I can assure you. Just many , many years back to back of digging a hole so deep I never thought I could get out of it alive.
I want to apologize for any behaviour of mine, back then, that hurt you or caused you pain---and I KNOW I did. It wasn't ME , it was the DRUGS! But, I think you, who knows my heart , knows that!
I'm so sorry I've missed so much. I hope we can stay in touch a bit, and maybe one day see each other again....
I don't know whether or not you are online at the house, but I'm including a link to my Blog, which I just started in November 2006. It's nothing to scream about, but it's usually very spiritual and gives some hope where there is none or very little- something I KNOW a lot about. I'm also attaching a few pics, so you can see what I look like now.....
Get back to me when you can..
You two PLEASE take care; I'll do the same

Much Love, Denny

Change the World:Helping Others, What a Concept

Wow! I'm not alone after all......

I met someone Online who is a Youth Counselor/ School Psychologist. He's Gay, Latin, Very Attractive, loves dogs and cares more about making a difference helping our troubled youth than his hair!! Imagine THAT! In the LA area no less. I really thought I was alone in that: Helping others, being of Service to a World on the friggin' fringe. I feel so much more hopeful after the conversation; I hope I didn't talk his head off. LOL

During the conversation, talking about drugs, recovery, troubled youth, his work with them, he said, " You know, we are ALL in this together!" I wanted to say, "MARRY ME"., but I didn't; I didn't want to seem too forward! LOL

I sent him an email afterwards thanking him for the conversation and for the work he does making a DIFFERENCE..... Rather than focusing (sometimes, not always; I'm too busy helping someone who needs help) on the people who don't care, I need to refocus and realize that, although only a few, there are people like ME who are out to make a difference, to make a change for the better in this World! Thankx , Again "________". ( Name kept Anonymous)

Remain Blessed.

Note: As I told "______" last nite, "IF YOU ARE NOT * PART OF THE SOLUTION, THEN YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM". It's really rather simple......

My Sacrifice

Listen! Then Pray!!!
http://youtube.com/watch?v=cISUzaa5v8o

Give a Little..........

I had to load this image! Once again, dogs can teach us some of the most amazing and simple things....like the power of prayer, something I often forget.
It's Sunday, so what the hell: I gave a homeless man $2, bought the birds at Starfuckers a Cinnamon Sour Cream Loaf ( as if the little-ass sparrows weren't fat enuf) and called the local Drug and Alcohol Treatment Center to have one of their clients who needs a few bucks come over this a.m. and help me clean this house I live in........

Hey, You! Yea, You, "Shithead " !

Yea! That means "You", Mark,
4 Some reason, dunnknow why, this pic reminds me of our buddy who died in the restroom of a Drug Treatment facility. "Jerry Garcia".. You know, the 'dude' that waz the singer of that group they called, The Grateful Dead". EVER hear ' bout dem??
I love you, Mark. I hope you 'really ' know just how much. "Smoochez 2 yer wife, too!

"MY OWN PRISON"

"Gabriel"

MY OWN PRISON

A court is in session, A verdict is in

No appeal on the docket today

Just MY OWN SIN

The walls are cold and pale

The CAGE made of steel

Screams fill the room

ALONE I drop and kneel

SILENCE now the sound

My breath the only motion around

Demons cluttering around

My face showing NO EMOTION

Schackled by MY SENTENCE

Expecting no return

Here there is no penance

My skin begins to burn

So I held MY HEAD UP HIGH

Hiding HATE that burns inside

Which only fuels their selfish Pride

We're ALL held captive

Out from the SUN

A SUN THAT SHINES ONLY ON SOME

We the meek are all in one

I hear a thunder in the distance

SEE a vision on the cross

I FEEL THE PAIN THAT WAS ONCE GIVEN

ON THAT SAD DAY OF LOSS

A lion roars in Darkness

ONLY "HE" holds the KEY

A "LIGHT" to FREE ME from my BURDEN

And grant me LIFE eternally

Should have BEEN DEAD
On a Sunday mornin'

Bangin' my head

No time for Mournin'

Ain't got no time

So, I held my head up HIGH

Hiding HATE that burns inside

Which only fuels their selfish Pride

We're ALL held captive

Out from the "Sun"

A SUN THAT SHINES ON ONLY SOME

We the meek are all in one

I CRY OUT TO GOD!

Seekin' ONLY His decision

Gabriel stands and CONFIRMS

*I' created MY OWN PRISON

******

These Song lyrics, MY OWN PRISON, by the Spiritual Rock group "Creed" sum up the SUFFERING I felt in my Addiction; I made MY OWN PRISON! If anyone who reads this can relate, I'm always around to share my experience, strength and HOPE - so you, too, can be SET FREE and have a better Life, one where the "Sun" shines on you.

Have an Amazing and Blessed Day.

With Love, Concern and Compassion to those who , sadly, UNDERSTAND!

Today's Quote: "Take My Hand and HOLD Tight"

"You Better Pray"

I'm not much of a church go-er. But, since today is Sunday, I decided to wear this T-Shirt, I call "You Better Pray". And I do. Usually not for myself or selfish things ("God give me a Bentley" , "God send me a Man", "God I want Mo-Money", God, God, God...).Can you say SELF-CENTERED? When I was asked by a friend what I wanted for my 48th Bday ( and he woulda bought me probably anything I asked for), I said, "I want to be in the company of my Friends".

When I prayed the day before, I asked God the following : "God, for my Bday I want to be clean and sober and in the company of my friends (*Note- I hadn't drawn a clean and sober breath on my Bday since I was 17, and I hadn't had a Bday cake or Bday Party since then either. That's 31 years of no birthdays). Physically, I want to be healthy and strong ( *I've had HIV since I was 25 ) so that my human body doesn't get in the way of me doing what I seem to do best- bring a smile to someones face, to listen to someone in distress, to BE THERE for someone who is hurting. Spiritually, I want to continue to have this CONSCIOUS contact with you, so I "know" what the RIGHT thing is to do in EVERY situation I find myself. Mentally, I want CLARITY of Thought. Emotionally, I want Peace-of-Mind. I want these things because I want to be able to fulfill what I believe my PURPOSE is - to HELP someone who needs HELP, to MAKE A DIFFERENCE in this World on a daily basis. Thank you, Amen". Yea, it kinda surprised me, too, folks. I could barely believe what was coming outta my own mouth. But, since THE EVENT happened to me, and I was granted so many gifts in an INSTANT, that I thought it only RIGHT to HELP others where I can. I've pretty much have always helped others- that in itself is nothing new- but now it's a PURPOSE. A friend of mine once told me, as they turned their back on me because I was in the middle of my addiction, "Denny, the only thing that I believe is going to help you get off drugs is a Miracle, some kind of SPIRITUAL INTERVENTION." Well, as you have read in yesterdays posting, a Miracle did happen for me. THE EVENT gave me a sense of PEACE and Peace-of-Mind, something I NEVER had experienced before. Another friend said, after I told them about THE EVENT, that, "Denny, God ONLY speaks to those who REALLY need to hear it " And, believe me folks, anyone who has known me for very long knows that I NEEDED a damned good talking to by someone. I ask myself often regarding THE EVENT, "Why Me?" . I figure, "why not ME?". If anyone needed a Miracle, IT WAS ME.

Quote for the day : " God won't give me anything I can't handle! I wish He wouldn't put that much *Trust" in me. ** Mother Teresa (1976a.d.)

Granted Grace, I call it "The Event"!

In my addiction years, the thing next to my "Friends" that my addiction STOLE from me was my ability to create, my art, my designs, my photography- and- above ALL else my belief in anything Spiritual! Well, ALL that has changed. Just a short while ago, a MIRACLE was performed in my Life. The day it began ( September 26th, the week b4 my 47 th Birthday), I was granted Grace. I call it "THE EVENT". If my friends, here in Los Angeles, weren't around to "witness" this "Series of Events", I wouldn't believe it myself. * I HAD A SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCE!

For about two full weeks a series of COINCIDENCES happened and PSYCHIC EXPERIENCES. It's difficult to explain. I was set " FREE"! I was given many gifts - that continue each and every day since: clarity of thought, freedom from ALL my past fears, "knowing" that I never have to use drugs again, "knowing" WHO I AM, what "my part" was in all my past affairs, where I want to go, what I really want out of Life and how to get there, that I am truly loved by many, that God does exist, that I have a "purpose", that I am LOVEABLE. My creativity, inspiration, my drive, my JOY of Life was not only given back to me - it was magnified a thousand times. As things continue to develop, I will be posting pictures of my Art, Jewlery and Photography. Here are 3 pix that were taken a couple of years ago- when I managed to stay clean just long enuf to feel a little creative.

Footnote: By Jan 2007, I will have my Website up and runnin'. The address, believe it or not, will be: ASpiritualExperience.com, where I will be displaying and selling my Art, Photography and Jewlery. Stay turned, Don't touch that dial, don't change that station!

May You Be Blessed; I KNOW I am!

Quote for Consideration: "Coincidence Is God's way of Remaining Anonymous!"